she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
