So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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