loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
