david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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