i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
