Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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