I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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