I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
