The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
