so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just found a bag of teeth...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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