i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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