Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
