also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
