I'm so fucking centered right now
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
