I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
