I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
