I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
