Michael Bay diarrhea
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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