This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
