This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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