I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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