i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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