Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
