watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
tell me about the eggs
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
