i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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