ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
