Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Your penis caused this!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
