Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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