Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
