end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
