I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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