I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think your dad took our porno
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
