is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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