I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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