She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
