im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well I just put wine in my tea
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
