I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
