How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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