Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
