My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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