distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
