I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Someone shattered a urinal.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
