Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
