I love black thongs
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How external is "for external use only"?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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