Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
