they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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