he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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