dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
