I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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