Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
