I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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