I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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