Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
